One of those days...

Today was one of those days. In fact, it wasn't just one of those days....it was THE day. The day that I had been worrying about and dreading for months. Worrying about because I'm a pessimist and a worrywart. Dreading because our crappy economy shows no signs of improving.

Today I joined the 3 million or so other Americans that have been laid off from their jobs. No notice. No warning. Talk about being blind-sided. I'm still in shock. I probably shouldn't sit and blog about it right now because I probably don't have the best attitude right now. But hey, this is the closest thing I have to a journal and so maybe I'll want to look back on this one day and remember how I felt.

I feel stressed out. Even though it was a difficult schedule for Craig and I to have....it worked out really well for us. One of us always got to be home with Payton. And that matters a lot to me. A whole lot. Probably more than anything. How in the world am I going to find something else with that kind of schedule again? I'm panicking about that. My heart feels like it's about to jump out of my chest right this second because that's is what I worry about most.

I feel sick to my stomach. If throwing up would make it feel better, I would have gone taken that route several hours ago. I didn't work to support my shopping habit. I worked to help pay bills. Is this what an anxiety attack feels like?

I feel stupid. Like I should take it personal or something. I do take it personal, actually. Of course they tell you that it's not a personal reflection of your job performance, but crap. I take a lot of pride in my job. I always have. And now I don't have one. I feel dumb and it kind of makes me not want to tell anyone about it, because I am taking it personal. If I could and if it made sense, I probably would keep it a secret cause that's how I roll.

I feel sad. I just got a phone call and found out the names of some of the other people were that were laid off today along with me. I think there were about 50 people in all. How scary. What is everyone going to do? There were a lot of men let go. Men that are the sole bread-winners for their family. I'm sad and stressing out for them too. And how about the HR guy that had to sit in meeting after meeting....saying that same news over and over....watching people cry all day. Probably not the best day of his life.

I don't feel mad. At least not yet. The only thing I feel mad about so far is that my record is now tarnished. I've never been fired or let go or anything like that. And now I have this weird "thing" on my permanent record. Thanks.

Mostly I'm still in shock. It's one of those things that makes me want to have a pity party and sit around and cry about it.

As much as that seems like a good idea, it's not like that would accomplish much. Time to get busy. Time to start networking and finding something else. Time to start asking for ideas or help or whatever else.

I'm trying to remember the positive things I have in my life. I have good health. Well, besides my puffy eyes and red, runny nose right now. I have an awesome husband and a daughter that is the cutest. She made me want to keep smiling today. We have food on the table. We have a roof over our heads. I have all my limbs....hey, sometimes you've got to dig deep to find the good things....

Yes, I realize that there are MILLIONS of other people in this same boat as me. I'm not alone in this. Yes, I'm feeling a little dramatic about it right now. But hey, it's my pity party. I'll get over it and I'm sure I'll be just fine. But that kind of positive talk is not the point of a pity party, now is it.

Anyway, to all those friends and family in cyberspace or blogworld reading this....keep me in mind if you hear of any opportunities floating around out there.

Here's to a better tomorrow.....